Collapsing World

We've moved!

2006-09-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, indeed! Only several years late, Collapsing World has moved into the 21st century and onto the ever-so-much-more flexible Wordpress platform! It's got a new look! It's searchable! It's categorized! Best of all, all of this site's posts have been imported, so you never need switch back and forth to find an old entry. There are lots of new features to come, so check it out!

http://sevenels.net/blog/

Crusade

2006-09-11T14:37:00.000-05:00

Crusade
Originally uploaded by olivander.

In the span of a few hours, 2,973 people--of many nationalities--died in the terror attacks of Sept 11, 2001. In this week of memorials and tributes and renewed debate, let's not forget that long after the towers fell, the dying continues.

Total US servicemen and -women who have died in Afghanistan since the October, 2001, US invasion: 302

Total US servicemen and -women who have died in Iraq since the March, 2003, US invasion: 2,670

Minimum estimated civilians who have died in Afghanistan since the October, 2001, US invasion: 3,485 (since civilian deaths are not officially tracked, this number may be much higher)

Minimum estimated civilians who have died in Iraq since the March, 2003, US invasion: 41,650 (since civilian deaths are not officially tracked, this number may be as high as 280,000)

Insomniac's Hideaway

2006-09-05T15:42:00.000-05:00

Insomniac's Hideaway
Originally uploaded by olivander.

Where do you go when it's 3:30am and you can't sleep? Denny's!

So long, Mickey

2006-07-18T15:05:00.000-05:00

Kiss Me Deadly
Originally uploaded by olivander.

Detective novelist Spillane dies

Stormprise

2006-07-14T11:54:00.000-05:00

Stormprise
Originally uploaded by olivander.

(storm-prize) tr. v.: stepping outside in the morning to unexpectedly discover that it rained during the night, and you completely missed it.

The Unamerican Activities Committee is back--and it's automated

2006-06-24T10:21:00.000-05:00

You may recall the NSA's Total Information Awareness (TIA) project. The brainchild of convicted Iran-Contra conspirator and all-around wackjob John Poindexter, TIA was to compile every available data snippet on every US citizen and mine it to find out if you do or say anything that the government disapproves of. The public furor over the idea of such an invasive domestic spying program caused the Pentagon to withdraw the program, and Poindexter was ultimately forced to resign (but not before proposing a terrorism "futures exchange" which would have allowed people to bet on, and profit from, the probablity of future terrorist attacks, assassinations, etc.).

From this debacle, the Pentagon learned that if you are going to implement a Gestapo- or Kremlin-like dossier of your citizens' activities, you don't make it public. TIA was dismantled, and its core components renamed and spread out among other agencies. Now New Scientist has learned one of these renamed components has been reactivated. This one will scavenge and compile all of your online postings and identify relationships between you and everyone else you come in contact with on the web:

...the NSA is pursuing its plans to tap the web, since phone logs have limited scope. They can only be used to build a very basic picture of someone's contact network, a process sometimes called "connecting the dots". Clusters of people in highly connected groups become apparent, as do people with few connections who appear to be the intermediaries between such groups. The idea is to see by how many links or "degrees" separate people from, say, a member of a blacklisted organisation.

...

No plan to mine social networks via the semantic web has been announced by the NSA, but its interest in the technology is evident in a funding footnote to a research paper delivered at the W3C's WWW2006 conference in Edinburgh, UK, in late May.

That paper, entitled Semantic Analytics on Social Networks, by a research team led by Amit Sheth of the University of Georgia in Athens and Anupam Joshi of the University of Maryland in Baltimore reveals how data from online social networks and other databases can be combined to uncover facts about people. The footnote said the work was part-funded by an organisation called ARDA.

What is ARDA? It stands for Advanced Research Development Activity. According to a report entitled Data Mining and Homeland Security, published by the Congressional Research Service in January, ARDA's role is to spend NSA money on research that can "solve some of the most critical problems facing the US intelligence community". Chief among ARDA's aims is to make sense of the massive amounts of data the NSA collects - some of its sources grow by around 4 million gigabytes a month.

Quote of the day

2006-06-12T22:10:00.000-05:00

Local news guy: "[Tropical storm] Alberto is expected to make landfall somewhere along the coast."

As opposed to making landfall elsewhere??

Obituary: Pem Farnsworth, 1908-2006

2006-06-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

Muchos gracias to Socar Myles for use of her photo, The Suck.

This blog entry is long overdue. Several weeks ago, on April 27, the world lost a cultural pioneer. Odds are that you've never heard of her, nor seen her photograph, but Emma "Pem" Farnsworth was a key figure in the shaping of modern world culture.

You see, she and her brother Cliff Gardner were the first human images ever transmitted over television. On October 19, 1929, in a small upstairs "studio" at the corner of Green and Sansome in San Francisco, her husband Philo Farnsworth sent an image of Pem and Cliff to a 3.5" screen in the next room. And with that, the greatest modern influence next to the computer was born.

Despite revolutionizing the way people spend their leisure time, Philo Farnsworth never received much recognition for his invention. After his death in 1971, Pem made that her mission, writing an autobiography called "Distant Vision" and doing interviews to give her husband the credit he deserved.

Pem was 98 at the time of her death.

One has to wonder how she and Philo privately felt about how TV has evolved over its 76-year lifespan. Would they look upon today's spate of public-humiliation "reality" shows with a touch of horror, or feel disgust over the way their invention converted politics into a soundbite-driven publicity mill? Even early on, when the broadcast window was limited to one hour a day, television was about entertainment, not information. One of the earliest BBC broadcasts was a dance routine by the swimsuit-clad Paramount Astoria Girls. From there, we went to Milton Berle in drag, "I Love Lucy", "The Love Boat", "Dallas", "Knight Rider", "USA Up All Night", "Baywatch", (skipping a few years) "Survivor", "America's Next Top Model", "American Idol", "Desperate Housewives", until, finally, we arrived at the bottom of the entertainment gulch: "CSI: Miami". (In the interest of full disclosure, it should be pointed out that as a youth I watched many of those shows religiously. I still hum the "A-Team" theme unconsciously.)

Mind you, not all was dreck and bilge water. We had some excellent journalism until Edward R. Murrow smoked too many cigarettes and Walter Cronkite wore out his sweaters. CNN gave us the ability to breathlessly watch no new developments at all--live!--24 hours a day from around the globe. "M*A*S*H" made people think as well as laugh. Um...I'm sure there were others that did not rely on bribing viewers with a glimpse of bare bum, but they escape me at the moment.

The point is that televion has done good things, but those moments are heavily outweighed by the hours of brain-sucking vacuum TV.

Does the consumer even shape the landscape of its viewing habits anymore, or have we become slaves to the electron gun, obediently watching whatever is put before us? How many times have you sat on the sofa flipping channels and complained to your mate (or pet), "There's nothing on," yet continued to flip channels anyway, finally settling on the least boring program you can find? Could this possibly be the future Philo and Pem envisioned, where instead of more enlightened beings expanding the horizons of our experience we are zombies stripped of the will to turn off the set?

In other words, are we the consumers, or the consumed?

The great irony of Pem Farnsworth's death--her last great joke upon the planet--was that she died during TV Turn-off Week.

The hellburger

2006-05-14T01:20:00.000-05:00

The hellburger
Originally uploaded by olivander.

Mr Efatima and I did the manly-man bonding thing by choking down a couple of these habanero burgers, billed by the pub's owner as the world's hottest. He may be right.

If you can get past the first few bites, it goes pretty easily, because by that point your brain's ability to comprehend pain has burned out. I'm sure that if the heat hadn't totally obliterated the flavor, this burger would have tasted wonderful.

Oh, and the evil bastards spiked the ketchup with chipoltes, so seeking relief by shoving a few ketchup-dipped fries in your mouth only exacerbates the heat.

The habanero burger (or hellburger, as we've come to call it) is also a gift that keeps on giving. Word of advice to anyone thinking about consuming one of these things: don't do it the night before a long plane flight. You remember the scene in Alien, where John Hurt is flopping around a tabletop as the chestburster struggles to escape his body? Other than the alien invader being way down in my colon, that was me the entire flight home.

But hey, I got a free bumper sticker out of the deal. W00t!

And I always complain that there's nothing to do in this town

2006-04-11T16:03:00.000-05:00

And I always complain that there's nothing to do in this town
Originally uploaded by olivander.

An open letter to key harvesters

2006-03-09T10:29:00.000-06:00

We've all seen them: those bracelets and necklaces and earrings made from old typewriter keys. The people who buy them think that they are somehow recycling parts from unusable typewriters. The sad truth is that the majority of those keys were cut from perfectly usable machines. Whole dumpsters filled with de-keyed typewriters have been spotted near flea markets. A look on eBay will reveal how desperate the situation is. Some of the key sets and typewriters being offered for harvest are highly collectible. Some are very rare (such as the Harry A. Smith branded Chicago typewriter whose keys were recently posted for sale). All are irreplacable, as these typewriters have not been manufactured for decades. I compare the harvesting of typewriter keys to the poaching of elephants for their tusks. Except the elephant has the advantage of reproduction.

Many, many years ago, on a trip through Montana, I clipped a ranting letter to the editor from a local newspaper. It was originally about drivers who fail to signal their turns, but I found that with very slight modification, it adapts nicely to my feelings about these keychoppers.

--------

People who cut off typewriter keys to make jewelry are of diseased instincts and flatulent morality. They are spavined and windbroken, possessed of the evil eye and have pockmarked brains.

They have the heads of goats, the perceptions of blind guppies and they dwell in malodorous holes beneath flat rocks.

Their eyes water. Their noses run without wiping. They lie, cheat and steal, beat children and spouses and pilfer from their employers.
Behind their ears there is perpetual damp.

Their lips move when they read, and the only writing they do is to forge signatures or leave messages on washroom walls.

All murder, rape, sexual depravity, dope-pushing, poaching and treason can be traced to them. they recite the Pledge of Allegiance backward and coin every dirty joke.

A yellow streak marches up their back, and then it marches down. They raid birds' nests, to destroy the young. Their artistic appreciation is limited to graffiti, which they memorize and quote. When they think, they think Monday is the best day of the week.

The rarely vote, but everlastingly caterwaul about the worthless conduct of public affairs unless they can latch onto some political gravy train, whereupon they emit contented grunts and clap and claque for Sugar Daddy. They dote on pesticide, and curse the day defoliants were restrained. They streak.

They are America First for all native-born whites. They would burn crosses if they dared. They refer to Indian Americans as foreigners.
They hate all cops except those who beat up homeless people.

They belch in public places and spit on the sidewalks. Litter is their doing, as are the chuckholes in the streets. They light forest fires. They kick dogs. They vote early and often when they vote at all, and poison wells.

They cough and sneeze on others, spreading all infections. They waste electricity. Flowers wilt when they walk by. They rejoice in dirty streets, garbage-strewn alleys, and lynchings. They love biased news stories, corrupt politicians, shyster lawyers, medical quacks. Their armpits stink.

They consume most of the nation's production of anti-itch medication.
They sing off-key and never brush their teeth. They strip mine. To multiply, they divide.

Their fingernails are black and they eat with their hands while lying on their bellies. Their hands are clammy, their feet are cleft. They are creatures of the Devil, and constitute a good reason for the death penalty.

And that's only the bright side--the sweet talk.

They can, nevertheless, attain instant and perpetual grace, become radiant, beloved to God and man, by keeping their typewriters intact. Amen.

Lost holiday

2006-02-27T17:00:00.000-06:00

Lost holiday
Originally uploaded by olivander.

About fifty years ago, a family took a vacation to Miami Beach, FL. They brought along their Brownie Hawkeye Flash camera and took lots of pictures of themselves having fun. They got home, finished up the roll with a couple shots of the dog, and put the camera up. Perhaps that's the day that they bought a new camera. Maybe they set the camera down somewhere and forgot it and it became lost. Somehow, life interfered and the roll was never removed from the camera.

For fifty years.

Recently, I bought a lot of vintage cameras on eBay, and this family's Brownie Hawkeye Flash was among them. I found the roll of film inside and decided--without much expectation--to develop it and see what was on it. Film left in cameras is notorious for not surviving. The camera inevitably gets opened, and the unsealed film is repeatedly exposed to light and high temperatures and humidity. On top of it, it had traveled with its camera through standard postal service, undoubtedly being subjected to x-rays at least once. I figured I would get, at best, a bunch of fog-covered frames with faint images of someone's new car or kids playing in the back yard.

The results blew me away. Verichrome Pan was long heralded for its superior range of tone and fine grain. Evidently, it was made to last, too. The only alteration I made to the developing process was to push the developing time from Kodak's recommended six minutes to eight, in the hopes that the increased time would boost the contrast enough to cut through the inevitable fog.

You can see for yourself that the pictures were almost perfect.

This lost holiday brings up many questions. Who was this family? What brought them to Florida? Why didn't they ever get their pictures processed? Did they ever wonder what ever happened to them? Does the kid in the pictures remember that trip? What ever became of them?

I created a set for these photos on Flickr. I hope that someone, somewhere, will see them and say, "Hey, that's Dad/my aunt/me!" If that happens to be you, please get in touch with me so I can return your photos.

Because I disagree with the gov't more than I believe in wormholes

2006-02-16T08:02:00.000-06:00

You scored as Serenity (from Firefly). You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Moya (from Farscape)

88%

Serenity (from Firefly)

88%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

81%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

69%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

63%

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

63%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

63%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

50%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

The return of concentration camps on US soil

2006-02-08T09:37:00.000-06:00

Remember The Siege? The 1998 Denzel Washington/Annette Bening flick about the US government rounding up all Arab-Americans in the wake of a series of bombings seemed like heavy-handed paranoia at the time. Then came Sept 11, and the FBI began rounding up and detaining thousands of Arab-Americans for questioning. It was WWII all over again, when Japanese-Americans were pulled from their homes and held without charge in POW-style concentration camps. All that was missing was the concentration camps.

Guess what?

According to this rather undernoticed article, Halliburton has been awarded yet another no-bid contract, this one to build detention centers within the US. (Halliburton also built the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, camp where thousands of "enemy combatants" are being held incommunicado.)

There seem to be contradicting stories about exactly what branch of the government has contracted for the camps, or precisely what their use will be for. The prevelant story is that the camps will be used in the event of an "immigration emergency", which is vague. Regardless of label, once built the camps could be used for almost any purpose the Bush administration desires.

Following the Supreme Court's ruling that the president has the power to detain American citizens outside the judicial system, and given this administration's dismal civil rights track record, I wouldn't be surprised if that purpose involved American citizens of Middle Eastern descent becoming "disappeared".

Since articles older than 14 days get archived by the Press-Telegram, here is the full text, with apology.

Halliburton subsidiary nets contract amid suspicion

By Mason Stockstill, Staff writer

A Houston-based construction firm with ties to the White House has been awarded an open-ended contract to build immigration detention centers that could total $385 million a move some critics called questionable.

The contract calls for KBR, a subsidiary of oil engineering and construction giant Halliburton, to build temporary detention facilities in the event of an "immigration emergency," according to U.S. officials.

"If, for example, there were some sort of upheaval in another country that would cause mass migration, that's the type of situation that this contract would address," said Jamie Zuieback of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

"Essentially, this is a contingency contract."

Under the contract, which was awarded by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, KBR could also be tasked to operate one or more temporary detention facilities, and to develop a plan for responding to a natural disaster in which ICE personnel participate in relief efforts.

The contract is good for one year, with the option for four one-year extensions.

The open-ended nature of the contract raises concerns about overcharging and other potential abuse, said Charlie Cray, director of the Washington-based Center for Corporate Policy and a frequent Halliburton critic.

The Government Accounting Office has criticized both Halliburton and KBR for cost overruns and inappropriately obtaining government projects under a similar contingency-based program connected to reconstruction work in Iraq, Cray said. Halliburton's billions of dollars in revenue from federal contracts, many of them awarded without competitive bidding, have made it a frequent target of critics who accuse the Bush administration of cronyism.

Vice President Dick Cheney is Halliburton's former CEO.

KBR also has faced allegations that, through subcontractors, it hired numerous illegal immigrants to perform rebuilding work in the Gulf Coast region following Hurricane Katrina, and paid them sub-minimum wages. The company's hiring practices in Iraq have come under scrutiny for the alleged exploitation of foreign workers.

But KBR officials said the contract for detention facilities is well-deserved, because of the firm's experience in building infrastructure and support networks for U.S. military and law enforcement.

KBR's revenues totaled $3 billion in the fourth quarter of 2005, according to company figures released Friday, and Halliburton plans to sell part of the subsidiary in the coming months.

"We are especially gratified to be awarded this contract because it builds on our extremely strong track record in the arena of emergency operations support," said Bruce Stanski, KBR's vice president of government and infrastructure, in a statement.

There's no guarantee that any work will be performed under the contract; if no immigration emergency or natural disaster occurs, there won't be anything for KBR to do, said company spokeswoman Cathy Mann.

Happy 250th, Wolfgang!

2006-01-27T09:03:00.000-06:00

W.A. Mozart
Jan 27, 1756 – Dec 5, 1791

My philosophy

2006-01-19T12:29:00.000-06:00

My philosophy
Originally uploaded by olivander.

"Your face is a-peeling."

2006-01-17T12:12:00.000-06:00

Ever have one of those days when you feel like your face is about to shed its skin like a snake, leaving one huge dessicated skin flake in the shape of a distorted visage of yourself crumbled on the floor?

Yeah, it's like that today.

Between You and Me

2006-01-16T18:24:00.000-06:00

Probably new only to me, but this has got to be one of the coolest things I've laid eyes on. Patryk Rebisz created a short film called Between You and Me using a Canon 20D DSLR camera in burst mode. Just shows that any sufficiently inspired and creative artist doesn't need any of the so-called essential tools in order to bring their vision to fruition. My faith in art and the movies is temporarily restored.

One is also reminded of the fact that The Corpse Bride was also shot using Canon DSLRs.

Some people put this in their mouth

2006-01-16T09:12:00.000-06:00

Some people put this in their mouth
Originally uploaded by olivander.

My first thought was, "That's not a food item; that's a medical condition." It's worth noting that the Spotted Dick is right beside the Tripe, and that the two cans are virtually indistinguishable.

Spotted Dick, as it turns out, is a pudding desert that is somewhat popular in the UK, though its name has occasionally caused embarrassment.

I'm still not gonna eat it.

Emerge

2006-01-14T01:41:00.000-06:00

Walking to work this morning
Originally uploaded by olivander.

After spending so much time in the dark, it's nice to see light again.

Winter is hard. It's even harder if you're one of the thousands, maybe millions, of people who have SAD. (What a cute name for a form of depression, eh?)

For six months out of the year, we live like vampires: going to work when it's dark, spending the daylight hours in windowless offices, then returning home in the dark. Weekends are the only time we see the sun, and we spend most of that time either asleep or crashed on the couch because we can't motivate ourselves to do anything.

I get by with a set of 5500k daylight-replicating tubes in the light fixture at work, and a bunch of vitamins. Massive doses of B12. Sometimes I venture into the night with my camera and try to find some color. Sometimes I just shoot something that visually echoes my mood. Finding a way to make the darkness give something to you helps a lot.

Still, it's nice to step outside in the morning and see the underbellies of the clouds aflame with the rising sun.

Waiting for the scribbles to return

2005-12-28T12:31:00.000-06:00

Waiting for the scribbles to return
Originally uploaded by olivander.

Some days are all high notes. Some days are nothing but scribbles.

Mitch, Mitch, Mitch...

2005-12-28T12:15:00.000-06:00

You were doing so well. We could hardly believe it when you died, and it was all the sadder because you had (we thought) cleaned yourself up. What happened, man?

Comedian Mitch Hedberg died accidentally in March of "multiple drug toxicity," including cocaine and heroin, Spin magazine reports, citing reports filed by the New Jersey medical examiner's office.

BREAKING NEWS!

2005-12-21T13:04:00.000-06:00

Senate Democrats develop spine! Defense spending bill blocked to prevent Arctic Wildlife Refuge oil drilling despite potential political damage! Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Minnesota: land of 10,000 lakes and 10,000,000 geese.

2005-12-21T10:57:00.000-06:00

By the shores of Silver Lake
Originally uploaded by olivander.

Tens of thousands of geese overwinter in a small lake in the middle of town. Some communities get their feathers in a ruffle over a couple of dozen geese (like those at Covell Lake in Sioux Falls, SD), while some communities like Rochester take them in stride and accept them as part of the city's personality. A few years ago, the city purchased a zamboni-like sidewalk cleaner for the express purpose of scrubbing goose droppings from the walkways.

Why Verizon sucks

2005-12-16T10:45:00.000-06:00

A friend forwarded this to us. Yes, it's a "friend-of-a-friend" situation, but I have no reason to doubt its veracity.

The world of cell phones. I sometimes wonder why I ever took the plunge.

Besides constantly battling over where we have service and where we don't, paying the dreaded 'over your minutes' bill, giving people the ability to ALWAYS be able to find you and having to deal with customer service representatives.......why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I know, I know, for convenience, so we can ALWAYS get a hold of our children and they us, in case of emergency, etc., etc.

We have been faithful Verizon customers for over 2 1/2 years now. Our phone died, we called to get it fixed, we were told "it's too old and not
911 compatible, but hey, how about new phones and another year of service?!" Begrudingly, we agreed. New phones arrived. Don't work. Can't program them from our house. Calls were made. New phones were sent. Don't work. More calls were made, new phones were sent (this is the process, they have to send you at least 2 sets of phones before they can determine it is in fact, the phone). Don't work. We can't figure it out, Verizon can't figure it out. We are all stumped. Verizon offers to allow us out of our contract, free to go somewhere else, thank you very much, yada, yada, yada.

Then, the final bill arrives. To the tune of $530.00. Early termination fees for both lines, monthly charges for Oct., Nov. & Dec. (phones were returned the 2nd week of Oct.) and the final kick in the ass - late fees.

Many calls were made. Several customer service agents/supervisors are spoken to. All would be corrected, "very sorry, ma'am", yadah, yadah.

Corrected bill arrives. To the tune of $603.00. Patience running out.

To make a very long story not quite so long - more calls were made today - after 3 months of ME dealing with this shit - the supervisor says to me today, "we're sorry ma'am, but you are not authorized on this account, it is in your husband's name and we cannot talk to you about the bill." Three f*cking months, they have been talking to me - they just discovered it is in John's name?? Wow.

Needless to say, not nice words were spoken, maybe even some swearing.
Now, my husband has to call them and "authorize" me to deal with THEIR screw-ups and try to find someone that works there that could possibly give me about $570.00 in credits, what do you suppose my chances are?

You're right. Slim and none.

I'm going outside to play in the newly fallen 7" of snow, with the kids - to 'cool' off a bit.

Only in my town

2005-12-15T14:14:00.000-06:00

Only in my town
Originally uploaded by olivander.

I'm sure there are many divorcees who would be happy to offer their ex's kidneys to this person.

Yard King: kicking wintery ass since 2001.

2005-12-15T14:12:00.000-06:00

Yard King: kicking wintery ass since 2001.
Originally uploaded by olivander.

The 8" of snow they forecast turned out to be only 6", and that collapsed to 4" by the time I got home to blow it.

Please read in all the sexual innuendo of that statment as you please.

I'm not an activist, I'm a freedom fighter.

2005-12-12T19:53:00.000-06:00

I'm not an activist, I'm a freedom fighter.
Originally uploaded by olivander.

I got that white peace ribbon during the Berkeley People's Park protests years and years ago. Over the years, it has traveled with me, tied to a backpack or tote bag handle, on my jacket pocket, or flying from my car antenna. It's become dingy and tattered with age, but its meaning is as important these days as ever.

She'd be seventeen now.

2005-12-09T15:27:00.000-06:00

Today I have discovered...

2005-12-08T14:51:00.000-06:00

...that I am too stupid to install Moveable Type.

Imagine

2005-12-08T07:19:00.000-06:00

Oct.9.1940 -- Dec.8.1980
Originally uploaded by Rick II.

Desolation

2005-12-06T15:00:00.000-06:00

Desolation
Originally uploaded by olivander.

I've felt very disconnected lately. Over the next couple of months, two of my friends are moving out of the country, two more are moving to the east coast, and another is moving to Atlanta. Sometimes I really hate living in the midwest. While it's equidistant from everyplace, it's also equally far away from everyplace. It's a half-full/half-empty sort of deal. But with half of my friends gone, it's just half-empty.

The End

2005-11-27T22:34:00.000-06:00

It is done.

Goodnight.

Sleepless

2005-10-31T14:45:00.000-06:00

Sleepless
Originally uploaded by olivander.

Silhouettes like shivering ancient feelings
They cover my foreign floors and walls
Submarines are lurking in my foggy ceiling
They keep me sleepless at night...
Can you pull me out
Of this sleepless night
Can you pull me out?

--King Crimson

Getting out of town

2005-10-25T20:22:00.000-05:00

, originally uploaded by olivander.

I am not a city boy.
I do not need proximity to the chattering swarms,
the sea of foul-tempered elbows
late to their pigeon holes.
I do not need concrete building blocks to prop myself against,
that serve no purpose
other than
to remind me of my place.
I do not long for the lurching buses
and black-stacked lorries
coughing pale death
down the shattered roads.
I do not desire 57 channels and nothing on.
I need the tree-spired horizon
buttoning wild skies of beetling snake-tongued clouds
to undulating golden oceans.
I desire ear-splitting silence
and a kitchen-cut sandwich
with thumbprints mashed into
its spongy surface
on a forgotten wayside
on a forgotten lane to nowhere
in the shadow of a prairie shipwreck's
hay-dripping spanners.
From here
the land receives
Day's slow blink
without trepidation.

"We're on a mission from god."

2005-10-10T16:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, so the White House is denying that Shrub said at a summit in Jordan that god told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq. And granted, there seem to be no actual recordings of the comment. However, it appears to be backed up by at least one witness, and, really, doesn't it sound entirely within Shrub's character to say such a thing? Is there any doubt in anyone's mind anymore that the US's shift from a democracy to a monarchy to a theocracy is complete?

Overkill, pt 2

2005-10-04T12:24:00.000-05:00

What's that saying about those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it?

The Supreme Court's Michael Brown?

2005-10-03T09:15:00.000-05:00

Given the recent furor over inexperienced Friends of Bush being given top positions in the administration, you'd think that Shrub would have had second thoughts about nominating old friend and White House council Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. She has zero judicial experience. She's a lawyer; she's never been a judge. In fact, she has only held the post of White House Council since February of this year. I thought that the Democrats remained totally spineless on the John Roberts confirmation. I can only hope that they will summon at least a tiny bit of courage and say "no" to putting another Michael Brown on the Supreme Court.

But then, Shrub often doesn't have a first thought, let alone a second. How else can one explain putting a person who's never sat on the Supreme Court in charge of the Supreme Court? Or making someone who is openly contentious of the United Nations ambassador to the United Nations? Or giving out the job of Attorney General as a consolation prize for losing an election to a dead man?

Shrub appears to have learned nothing from the total man-made disaster that emerged from hurricane Katrina. He has zero concept of the consequences that arise from granting positions of power to those who haven't earned them. When politicians in this country give powerful posts as rewards to friends and those who spent lots of money to get them elected, we call it cronyism. When leaders of other countries give powerful posts as rewards to friends and those who spent lots of money to get them elected, we call it corruption.

Banned Books Week

2005-09-30T14:37:00.000-05:00

Against Banned Books (Please Spread This Pic & The Text), originally uploaded by lyingsaucer.

This is absurdly late, but it's Banned Books Week. So why not choose one of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books and subvert yourself?

For my part, I'm reading Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi. It's about a group of women in Tehran, Iran, who gathered in secret to read forbidden Western classics. With Banned Books Week leading into the Islamic holy month of Ramadan, it seemed doubly relevant.

Quote of the day

2005-09-30T10:18:00.000-05:00

"If you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down."

--Former Secretary of Education William Bennett, demonstrating that gambling addiction isn't his only problem, on his talk-radio program Thursday.

Overkill

2005-09-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

Mountain lions have returned to the Black Hills of South Dakota. Over the last decade, mountain lions, which once existed as little more than rumors, have gained a foothold and established a sizeable population. Now state officials say that there are too many lions and have authorized South Dakota's first-ever mountain lion season. Already, over 1,000 licenses have been handed out.

Problem is, there are only an estimated 150 lions in the Black Hills. The entire population could be wiped out in a single hunting season. Mountain lions are already extinct in many neighboring states in the west; South Dakota does not need to add to that. In theory, the season will end when 25 lions are brought into the Rapid City Game Fish and Parks office. How realistic is that? With 1,000 hunters prowling around the hills and prairies on opening day, what are the odds that the kill will be no more than 25 lions? I've seen these guys hunt and fish. It's common practice to take well over your limit and simply conceal the extra.

It's true that because a mountain lion has such a large territory (300 sq miles), they have encroached into populated areas as their numbers grow. However, if it's becoming a problem, the GFP should partake its own controlled hunt to cull their numbers. Letting a bunch of hunters do the job for them will only cause overkill and destabilize a mountain lion population that's only now emerging from the brink of extinction.

Damn right.

2005-09-27T16:01:00.000-05:00

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

I'll smoke you a kipper, because you'll be back for breakfast. You're the cult television show quoting, user account deleting, soap loathing IT Manager.

Something in your childhood has made you the way you are. You've been hired to provide a service to everyone else in the office - you make the computers run, and you make them run well. You've streamlined everything; you've removed all the viruses and installed all the firewalls. The only trouble - the only hole in your veneer of digital perfection - is the way you laugh at everyone.

If someone doesn't know UNIX, you laugh at them. If they lose their password, they laugh at them. If they visit a website using Microsoft Internet Explorer and their computer succumbs to an Internet worm, you laugh. Then you take a swig of your Coke, and with another hearty chuckle tell all your friends on IRC about the idiots you have to deal with.

Maybe it makes you feel better about yourself, although let's face it, you don't need help in that department. You're great, you. Fantastic like burning cool. If only those luddite office fools would let you play Unreal Tournament in peace.

At summer's end

2005-09-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

At summer's end, originally uploaded by olivander.

"Nothing so fair, so pure, and at the same time so large, as a lake, perchance, lies on the surface of the earth. ... It is a mirror which no stone can crack, whose quicksilver will never wear off, whose gilding Nature continually repairs; no storms, no dust, can dim its surface ever fresh; — a mirror in which all impurity presented to it sinks, swept and dusted by the sun's hazy brush — this the light dust-cloth — which retains no breath that is breathed on it, but sends its own to float as clouds high above its surface, and be reflected in its bosom still. A field of water betrays the spirit that is in the air. It is continually receiving new life and motion from above."

--H.D. Thoreau, Walden

Nuage: Robert Wise 1914-2005

2005-09-15T09:48:00.000-05:00

Legendary director Robert Wise died Wednesday from heart failure. He was 91. Wise's long career as a director ran the gamut of genres and gave us some of its greatest classics: The Day the Earth Stood Still, Run Silent Run Deep, West Side Story, The Haunting (a personal favorite of yours truly), The Sound of Music, The Andromeda Strain, and (debatable as a classic, but a landmark nonetheless) Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

It's telling that perhaps his most minor contribution to cinema was as an editor, splicing together such greats as The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Citizen Kane, and The Magnificent Ambersons.

Robert, we tip the fedora to your remarkable versatility and talent, and we can't wait to visit with you in the big screening room in the sky.

Presidential profiteering

2005-09-11T07:07:00.000-05:00

In typical fashion, Shrub has managed to turn tragedy into profits for his rich buddies. On Friday, Shrub suspended the Davis-Bacon Act, which requires federal contractors to pay at least the prevailing wage of the area in which they are working. For instance, the average roofer in Louisiana may normally make $12 an hour (a figure pulled straight out of my butt); suspending the Davis-Bacon Act means that federal contractors working in Louisiana can pay their roofers as low as the minimum wage of $5.25 an hour. There are a lot of unemployed people in the hurrican zone right now who are going to be temporarily hired by these contractors, and they aren't going to be paid what they deserve.

And who is going to benefit from this change? BushCo's old corporate pals. Two of the biggest federal contracts handed out so far have been to Kellog Brown and Root--a subsidary of VP Cheney's old company Halliburton (Remember them? The no-bid contractor who has made over $9 billion taxpayer dollars so far for work in Iraq)--and to Shaw Group, both clients of Shrub's former campaign manager and head of FEMA Joe Allbaugh. It's worth noting that Allbaugh resigned his position as head of FEMA to form a firm called New Bridges Strategies, which exists solely to discover profit opportunities for American companies in war-ravaged Iraq.

In addition, the CEO of another contractor, Bechtel Corp, is a Shrub appointee to the Export Council. A former Bechtel CEO and Bush for President 2000 campaign chair in Maine, Ross Connelly, was appointed to the Overseas Private Investment Corporation, a government entity which secures loans for American companies working in foreign countries.

One of the largest contributors to the human suffering in New Orleans and elsewhere on the Gulf coast was cronyism--inexperienced people appointed to high-ranking positions not because of what they could do, but because of who they knew. It seems that BushCo has learned nothing and is merrily bumbling along in the only way it knows how: political payback.

Voices from the storm

2005-09-08T14:37:00.000-05:00

Some quotes seen/heard in the media over the last couple of weeks. I believe they are self-illuminating.

"Brown said President Bush authorized the aid under an emergency disaster declaration issued following a review of FEMA's analysis of the state's request for federal assistance. FEMA will mobilize equipment and resources necessary to protect public health and safety by assisting law enforcement with evacuations, establishing shelters, supporting emergency medical needs, meeting immediate lifesaving and life-sustaining human needs and protecting property, in addition to other emergency protective measures."
--"Emergency Aid Authorized for Hurrican Katrina Emergency Response in Louisiana," FEMA press release, Sat, Aug 27

"On Saturday, President Bush has declared an emergency for the states of Louisiana and Mississippi opening up FEMA’s ability to move into the state and assist the state and local governments with mobilizing resources and preparations to save lives and property from the impact of Hurricane Katrina."
--"Homeland Security Prepping for Dangerous Hurricane Katrina," FEMA press release, Sun, Aug 28

"A computer model run by the LSU Hurricane Center late Saturday confirmed [the potential for disaster]. It indicated the metropolitan area was poised to see a repeat of Betsy's flooding, or worse, with storm surge of as much as 16 feet moving up the Mississippi River-Gulf Outlet and topping levees in Chalmette and eastern New Orleans, and pushing water into the 9th Ward and parts of Mid-City. High water flowing from Lake Pontchartrain through St. Charles Parish also would flood over levees into Kenner, according to the model."
--"Katrina Takes Aim," The Times-Picayune, Sunday, Aug 28

“I don't want to alarm everybody that, you know, New Orleans is filling up like a bowl. That's just not happening.”
--FEMA official Bill Lokey on Tuesday, Aug 30, as New Orleans filled like a bowl from breaches in three levees

"Paula, the federal government did not even know about the convention center people until today."
--Micheal Brown, who apparently does not own a television, in an interview with CNN's Paula Zahn on Thursday, Sept 1

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."
--King George II on Thursday, Sept 1, in an interview with Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America

"The collapse of a significant portion of the levee leading to the very fast flooding of the city was not envisioned."
--Department of Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff on Saturday, Sept 3, who apparently missed the New Orleans Time-Picayune's 2002 5-part series outlining exactly what would happen if a hurricane hit the city

"It's going to look like a massive shipwreck."
--Walter Maestri, Jefferson Parish emergency management director, "The City in a Bowl", Sept 20, 2002

"I've heard you say during the course of a number of interviews that you found out about the convention center today. Don't you guys watch television? Don't you guys listen to the radio?"
--Ted Koppel, confirming that Michael Brown does not own a television on "Nightline," Friday, Sept 2

"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."
--King George II on Friday, Sept 2 to Federal Emergency Management Agency chief Michael Brown

"So many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (laughs) this is working out very well for them."
--Former first lady Barbara Bush, touring the Astrodome on Monday, Sept 5, where conditions are said to be little better than in the Superdome.

"The world’s only remaining superpower that has taken upon itself the great responsibility of saving and reforming the rest of the world, couldn’t protect its own people in its own backyard."
--"From Mumbai to New Orleans: Bungling with the Basics," Dubai Khaleej Times, Wed, Sept 7

Tom DeLay should be locked in the Superdome

2005-09-07T10:00:00.000-05:00

And Dennis Hastert, too, for skipping the emergency relief funding vote so he could attend a fundraiser. They should be forced to live alongside the bodies piled in the freezer, including those of the 5-year-old girl who was gang-raped and the 7-year-old whose throat was slashed.

Reminds me of the mantra from Stephen King's Cujo: "Nope, nothing wrong here."

From CNN:

The House majority leader late Tuesday tried to deflect criticism of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina by saying "the emergency response system was set up to work from the bottom up," then announced a short time later that House hearings examining that response had been canceled.

Collapsing World

2005-09-06T14:43:00.000-05:00

It strikes me that the title of this blog is more appropriate than ever. It has its origins in a regular column I wrote for my college paper many moons ago. In that particular frame of the film, the economy was stagnant in a recession no one would acknowledge, we were in the midst of (at the time) the most controversial war since Vietnam, and the emerging science of DNA comparison was revealing a ghastly number of innocent people sentenced to Death Row. Every facet of what we had known to be good and just about the world seemed to be, piece by piece, falling down around us.

How little things change, eh?

Now we have witnessed the literal collapse of both a city and society within it. Now that adequate relief support has finally reached the survivors along the gulf coast, the real questions are beginning to be asked. Primarily: why the hell did it take four days for meaningful help to reach these poor people? Even President Clinton, reluctant ever to speak a harsh word of anyone, said, "Our government failed those people in the beginning, and I take it now there is no dispute about it. One hundred percent of the people recognize that--that it was a failure."

At the end of Sunday's edition of Meet the Press, even milder-mannered Bob Schieffer delivered what for him was a downright foaming-at-the-mouth diatribe against the officals responsible. It bears repeating. I hope he will not mind my reprinting it here in full for those who missed it:

A personal thought. We have come through what may have been one of the worst weeks in America's history, a week in which government at every level failed the people it was created to serve. There is no purpose for government except to improve the lives of its citizens. Yet as scenes of horror that seemed to be coming from some Third World country flashed before us, official Washington was like a dog watching television. It saw the lights and images, but did not seem to comprehend their meaning or see any link to reality.

As the floodwaters rose, local officials in New Orleans ordered the city evacuated. They might as well have told their citizens to fly to the moon. How do you evacuate when you don't have a car? No hint of intelligent design in any of this. This was just survival of the richest.

By midweek a parade of Washington officials rushed before the cameras to urge patience. What good is patience to a mother who can't find food and water for a dehydrated child? Washington was coming out of an August vacation stupor and seemed unable to refocus on business or even think straight. Why else would Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert question aloud whether New Orleans should even be rebuilt? And when he was unable to get to Washington in time to vote on emergency aid funds, Hastert had an excuse only Washington could understand: He had to attend a fund-raiser back home.

Since 9/11, Washington has spent years and untold billions reorganizing the government to deal with crises brought on by possible terrorist attacks. If this is the result, we had better start over.

Total societal collapse

2005-09-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

The raw stories coming out of New Orleans are un-fucking-believable. Civilization has collapsed. The police have become desperate animals right along with the rest of the people who have devolved into survival mode in the flooded ruins of The Big Uneasy. The streets are ruled by armed thugs. Gunmen have invaded at least one hospital, rescue operations have been suspended because helicopters and rescue boats are being fired upon. The situation at the Superdome is sickening and is about to implode.

"We tried to airlift supplies into Kenner Memorial Hospital late last evening and were confronted by an unruly crowd with guns, and the pilots refused to land."

Quite honestly, I don't think the situation is going to come under control until either there is a mass slaughter of survivors amongst one another, or the National Guard is reduced to machine-gunning people from the air.

It's hard to believe that this is America. These are stories we only hear out of second- and third-world countries where survival was pretty much your own to begin with.

Ten-thousand National Guard on the way. Those with the least training and experience (all of those were sent to Iraq and Afghanistan). An estimated 100,000 survivors and survivalists are left in the city. Ten-to-one. Ten-to-one odds for the National Guard to attempt to quell the violence, bring relief supplies, and construct evacuation routes while attempting to hold the crumbling levees together and drain the standing water.

Can the Shrub smirk his way through this human and political catastrophe? These are the types of conditions which cause the citizens of other countries to march upon the palaces with rifles and baseball bats. Do you think once the survivors escape their situation--which most likely will mean little more than tent cities with minimal food supplies and sanitation--that they will be thankful? Or will they ask, "Why did it take so long to rescue us from that hell? How were conditions allowed to get so bad? Why wasn't the city and government better prepared for what they had known could happen for years?"

A year and a half ago, New Orleans was awarded $7.1 million in homeland security funds. Apparently most of the money was earmarked for anti-terrorism measures in the city's ports. Why, in what we learned from the aftermat of Sept 11, 2001, did the city's police experience a total communcations failure? In a city in constant threat of flooding and hindered by isolating geography why were mass-rescue plans and facilities never created?

So where did the money go? One thing's for certain: money is now meaningless in the lawless cesspool that used to be New Orleans.

Separated at birth?

2005-08-25T15:55:00.000-05:00

The Hard Rock Cafe in Dubai -- and the Daily Planet building from Superman.

Nuage: Tonino Delli Colli, 1923-2005

2005-08-19T16:45:00.000-05:00

Cinematographer Tonino Delli Colli has died at the age of 81. A master painter who happened to work with film, Delli Colli was the man responsible for the look of some of cinema's most popular and noteworthy films, including The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Once Upon a Time in the West, Once Upon a Time in America, The Name of the Rose, and--his last film--Life is Beautiful. His talent will be sorely missed.

Stuff Portrait Friday: Ride in Your Hood

2005-08-12T23:48:00.000-05:00

Quarry Hill - After the rain, originally uploaded by olivander.

3. Your favorite part of where you live

The interior of Quarry Hill park is my favorite place to go. There are so many little hidden places and things to explore, and miles of hiking. There is a huge variety of terrain within a relatively compact park, making it a great place to hike barefoot.

Stuff Portrait Friday: Ride in Your Hood

2005-08-12T23:44:00.000-05:00

Quarry Hill: oak savannah, originally uploaded by olivander.

2: One Mile Away

This is the view of Rochester from atop Quarry Hill, which is approximately 1 mile from my house.

Stuff Portrait Friday: Ride in Your Hood

2005-08-12T23:42:00.000-05:00

Caught standing still, originally uploaded by olivander.

1. Your Ride

This is my little pony, The Solar Express.

Out of order.

2005-07-26T10:27:00.000-05:00

Out of order., originally uploaded by olivander.

And we couldn't be more pleased about it.

(Yes, I was forced to venture into a Wal-Mart late at night when nothing else was open. I am filled with shame.)

I want this

2005-07-22T10:08:00.000-05:00

Every key on this proof-of-concept keyboard is an individual display that shows it's current fuction. Keys can be programmed for different applications and languages. I just hope it doesn't turn out to be vaporware.

How not to permission your folders

2005-07-22T09:41:00.000-05:00

One of the major projects I've been working on is migrating all of our shares off of the old hardware to new NAS appliances. As part of this, we've been reviewing and correcting folder permissions, to sort of help clean up as we go. Here's an example of some of the totally awful permissioning I've been finding (identifying names have been obscured to protect the stupid):

"\\[server]\[share]\[dept]\2003 Secure Area STAY OUT\2003 Budget Info" /S "[domain]\Public":RWXD /S "Everyone":RX

Overheard in the break room

2005-07-21T12:24:00.000-05:00

Discussing a nearby elk farm
Her: "I'm from Montana, and I've never seen elk in the wild."
Him: "I've been bear hunting, and I've never seen a bear in the wild."

I'm thinking, if you've never even seen a bear in the wild, then maybe bear hunting isn't for you. Maybe he should start with, say, bearspotting and work his way up.

"I'm the baby, gotta love me!"

2005-07-21T11:25:00.000-05:00

This story from my friend Kristine is too good not to share. As Bill Cosby would say: those of you with children, you'll understand. The rest of you, think of it as cheap birth control.

Scene Of A Crime

2005-07-20T14:51:00.000-05:00

Eviction Day: Scene Of A Crime, originally uploaded by stacyarrington.

These people are stealing from a family in Baltimore who have been evicted from their apartment and had their belongings dumped out on the sidewalk. Notice that the guy is stealing a baby's crib. I hope everyone looks at the complete set and gives these jerks get the public humiliation they deserve. If not jail time.

Finally!

2005-07-17T23:14:00.000-05:00

FINALLY!, originally uploaded by olivander.

We've been weeks without rain. We needed this storm so badly. The Indians were pow-wowing today. I wonder...

Giant Machine

2005-07-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

Giant Machine, originally uploaded by Alfie1.

I'm going to buy me one of these things, and with it I shall rule the world! [insert evil laugh here]

A taste of home

2005-07-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

E Pluribus Unum, originally uploaded by olivander.

I went to the Bear Creek pow wow today. And I thought Kansas City was bad--it was just as hot, with humidity. It's amazing the pow wow dancers didn't pass out from the heat. As it was, they were doing shorter dances, taking frequent breaks, and alternating dancers so no one spent too much time out in the circle.

Unfortunately, I got paged and had to go into work 1/2 an hour into the ceremonies. The photos I took in that time were few and not very good. The handful that I uploaded to Flickr were the best of that crop, doing what I could with the material I had to work with. I'm not very happy with the results. I may go back for the 2nd day tomorrow, but it's supposed to be even hotter (97), so I don't know if I will or not. But I want to buy one of those linen shirts, and Arvel Bird's Totem Animals CD. Dammit.

Stuff Portrait Friday

2005-07-15T13:24:00.000-05:00

This Friday's theme: the '80s.

Something from the '80s you can't let go of.

Yes, it's that legendary ball team of eternal suckiness rivaled only by the Chicago Cubs: the Kansas City Royals. They did win the World Series once. Twenty years ago. They will again. Someday. Really. Stop laughing. Accompanying the Royals is my faithful, fuzzy companion Gizmo. For some reason, wherever I have set up shop, Gizmo has not been far away. Hmm... Perhaps if we fed the Royals after midnight...

A picture of you from the '80s.

Seriously, I couldn't find any others. Not even my graduation photos. Sure, I could've scanned the yearbook, but how awful would that have looked? Certainly not worse that what I've posted, you say? Well, yah, you're probably right, but I definitely look cooler in this photo.

A CD or movie you have from the '80s.

I didn't own any CDs during the '80s. I do, however, own lots of vinyl, most of it as dorky as this stuff.

High-class living

2005-07-14T13:14:00.000-05:00

High-rent hotel, originally uploaded by olivander.

This was posted in the bathroom of the motel we stayed at outside of Kansas City last weekend. The motel was not far from Kansas City International Raceway, and perhaps not surprisingly, the room key-cards had NASCAR advertising on them.

Greedy pigs on the wing

2005-07-12T14:10:00.000-05:00

Battersea Power Station Pt. 2, originally uploaded by Susan B..

The historic Battersea power plant is being turned into a shopping mall/condo/cineplex. No doubt, there will be a gift shop selling Pink Floyd CDs, and t-shirts bearing the Animals album cover art--maybe even pink pig balloons for the kiddies!--totally oblivious to the screaming irony of the band's messages of non-commercialism.

Or perhaps the complex's owners just don't give a shit, which seems entirely likely.

Casting call

2005-07-07T22:12:00.000-05:00

Frequently, I'm subjected to seemingly interminable meetings, and oftentimes my role on the stage is limited to but a few lines. Think the gravedigger in Hamlet. When that happens, and I find myself losing consciousness in the face of jabbering developers, I like to play a little game I call Casting Call. Pretending that this meeting is a movie (albeit the worst movie ever made), I try to decide what actors what play each person around the table. Here's who I came up with today:

--Colin Farrell, with a wispy goatee.
--Richard Dysart
--Sam Shepard, with a lazy eye.
--Gordon Clapp, with a moustache.
--Christine Baranski
--Nicholas Lea
--Doris Roberts
--Daniel Stern
--Brad Pitt, in Oceans 11 mode.
--Anthony LaPaglia
--Vladimir Putin. While not technically an actor, he does have an IMDB entry, so I figure he counts.

Keep in mind that every single one of these actors--even the ugly ones--are far more attractive than the actual people they're portraying in my imagination.

Alien invasion

2005-07-05T21:47:00.000-05:00

I don't like to put chemicals on my lawn. There are enough chemicals poisoning the soil and getting into our systems through the junk we eat. Our house's previous owner used Chemlawn religiously, and it was two or three years after we took ownership for the ants and the earthworms to return. Before that, it was hard, sterile soil that could barely be broken with a shovel. A lot of backyard wildlife that many people consider pests are actually very good for the health of your lawn. As for weeds...well, some of them are downright pretty.

However...

I used to like clover. Countless hours of my childhood were spent searching for elusive four-leaf clovers. They blossom first yellow, then snow-white, and gradually fade to purples and reds as the summer heat arrives. They attract crickets, one of my favorite insects.

But Oh. My. Gods. do they spread! We've just come in from weeding the gardens, and I took it upon myself to pull up at least some of the clover overgrowth. Partially because I don't like chemicalizing my lawn, and partially because I enjoy a bit of metitative manual labor now and then, I sat down in the grass and began to trace and pull each clover runner. I can lose myself for hours at such occupations. I love seeking things out, discovering and following new leads. Such activities also help occupy the chatty surface of my mind and allow my deeper thought processes to work undisturbed. This is why Buddhists like to chant "Om". It means "yes", but with repetition, the word ceases to have any meaning, and the monkey-mind surface of your brain gives up and stops trying to talk back, and finally you're able to think!

Anyway, it occured to me as I pulled clover runner after runner, leaving vast bald patches where the grass had been choked out*, that grass is actually a non-indigenous plant. In any wild field you come across, there are all sorts of vegetation mixed together, almost none of it this uniformly green, evenly spaced stuff we cover our yards with. A few years ago, we built a new, larger garage, on the other side of the yard. It necessitated tearing up pretty much the entire yard and reseeding it with grass. I know we didn't plant any clover, nor was there any in the rest of the yard when we did this. And it made me wonder, as my butt formed a large depression in the lawn and tiny bugs fled from the barren soil I had exposed, maybe grass is the alien species, and clover the native plant attempting to reclaim its turf.

* I am fairly certain that H.R. Giger, upon weeding the clover from his yard and seeing the mats of overlapping tendrils weaving in and out of the soil, tangled like mating pythons, derived most of his artistic inspiration from it.

Please don't Crush Me

2005-07-05T21:30:00.000-05:00

Please don't Crush Me, originally uploaded by !efatima.

Words from a friend that moved me greatly. You can see it in its original form by clicking the photo.
----
Who am I? What I am I? Why am I here?

I'm a very simple being here to find a sense of belonging. It's not fame nor immortality that I seek. I just want to be recognized as a humble being - a being without any bar of color, culture, cast or creed. My motive is to find peace and hope in everything around me. I'm just a limited life in the path floating at a slow pace without disturbing its surrounding but only wanting to add beauty including the place where I fall.

Please, please don't crush me - not now, not when am down.

--Fatima

Five-second life cycle.

2005-07-05T12:31:00.000-05:00

DSCN0807.JPG, originally uploaded by olivander.

The rockets hiss into the night sky on writhing smoke tails and explode into fountains of flaming colors. The sun-hot embers burn gold, red, green, blue, and white, meld for an eyeblink with the starscape, then burn out and fall back to Earth as lumps of black cinders.

Black cinders in the black night.

No one sees them land.

Bada-BOOM!

2005-07-05T12:21:00.000-05:00

DSCN0825.JPG, originally uploaded by olivander.

Didn't feel like fighting the crowds at the lake or the parking ramp roof, so we watched them from the driveway, which afforded an acceptable if partial view.

Clematis

2005-06-14T10:31:00.000-05:00

Clematis
Originally uploaded by olivander.

How to make men shop for clothes with you

2005-06-11T20:59:00.000-05:00

We were wandering around Kohl's this afternoon (big dept store for those not familiar). As we passed through the women's clothing dept, I saw a despondant-looking man standing outside the changing rooms, holding an armful of women's clothes. Obviously this was a husband, dragged along as a clothes hanger, his manhood reduced to less than that of a mannequin. It was then that I realized what large department stores like Kohl's can do to make husbands look forward to the clothes-shopping experience. Every department store should set up a minibar in the women's clothing department, preferably just outside the changing rooms, or among the lingerie. There should be a leather sofa. And a television that only receives ESPN, Speedvision, and Spike. Heck, men would be begging their wives to take them clothes shopping!

As it was, Kohl's did have the foresight to put the Star Wars toys just across the aisle, so I suppose it's a start.

The joys of home ownership (an ongoing series)

2005-06-11T20:47:00.000-05:00

The joys of home ownership (an ongoing series)
Originally uploaded by olivander.

The first day in two weeks it's been dry enough to mow.

Possibly the stupidest thing ever

2005-06-02T10:32:00.000-05:00

Whilst passing through the living room, I caught the last moments of a Nike commercial that ended with the tagline, "Run barefoot." As a semi-hardcore barefooter, and cofounder of Minnesota's only barefoot hiking club, this intrigued me. Was Nike--the world's largest shoe manufacturer and sweatshop operator--actually encouraging people to unshod themselves and exercise in the healthiest manner for their feet? So I looked into it a little more. Alas, no. Noting the success of the Stanford track team's barefoot training program, Nike designed a shoe that simulates being barefoot. Called the Free (and you can bet it won't be anywhere near free in the stores), the shoe "combines nature with technology to simulate the act of running barefoot on grass helping to strengthen muscles, prevent injury and improve overall athletic performance for a multitude of sports." A quote from the press release:

This shoe is unbelievable. It feels like you are not wearing anything on your feet, but it gives you a lot of support.

You know what also feels like not wearing anything on your feet? Going barefoot! Anyone who spends $80 on a pair of shoes so they can pretend they're barefoot deserves to have their arches and hamstrings wither away, and to have their toes plagued by fungus, and to have their feet smell like a cow's behind. When you shut a body in a coffin and place it in a dark, damp place, it moulders and decays. And that's exactly what happens to feet when they're kept locked in foot coffins.

The Nike Free is the ultimate in consumer stupidity: wear a shoe to simulate not wearing a shoe. Hey, how about this, you marketing geniuses? How about a meal that leaves you still feeling hungry? Or transparent clothes that simulate being naked?

Idiots.

A different perspective.

2005-05-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

the back yard from my pov following a hard day's work.

It's a jungle out there.

2005-05-23T19:44:00.000-05:00

one advantage of a month of rain and no sun: happy ferns.

The Graduate

2005-05-10T22:11:00.000-05:00

The Graduate
Originally uploaded by olivander.

O: What's the gold ribbon for?
A: Oh, something cum laude. It has to do with my grade point.

AND she already has a job lined up. This kid is a parent's dream.

All Booked Up

2005-05-06T07:12:00.000-05:00

Booked Up
Originally uploaded by olivander.

We visited Booked Up in Archer City, TX--probably for the last time, as they are set to close indefinitely Dec 31. Made several excellent finds, among them Bernard Heuvelman's "On the Track of Unknown Animals", "Willie Ley's Exotic Zoology", a first English Edition of Lowell's "Democracy and Other Essays", and a first edition "Treatise on the Gods," by H.L. Mencken.

Ford GT

2005-05-05T09:08:00.000-05:00

There are only a handful of these speed demons in existence, and there's one at the dealership in Lawton, OK. 550hp. Base price: $139,000.

Pass the Goo

2005-05-02T17:17:00.000-05:00

Pass the Goo
Originally uploaded by olivander.

A cow-orker of mine brought this back from a trip to China. They're really crackers, like Goldfish, but shrimp-shaped and -flavored.

Outside(r) art

2005-04-28T16:10:00.000-05:00

A blank concrete wall behind the new Arts Center has become a popular
canvas for graffiti. Rather hypocritically, the Arts Center people
have been power-spraying the designs away. So much for encouraging
art. From the work I've seen, many spray-paint taggers are much more
talented than many "real" artists. One group puts their artwork
indoors, the other puts theirs outdoors. I think it's time to tear
down the walls and integrate art with our environments. I thank the
taggers for adding a splash of colors to my morning walk. If not for
them, it'd be just another dreary grey wall contributing to the
color-neutralization of our cities.

Anyway, I saw this new piece of graffiti on the wall this morning.
Roughly, it says, "It is prohibited to contaminate the mind with
publicity."

Gas explosions: they're not just for manholes anymore

2005-04-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

Our occasional Washington correspondent Jean phones in with this report:

Now houses are exploding in Maryland.
Gas Leaks Identified in Pr. George's

By Nancy Trejos
Washington Post Staff Writer
Saturday, April 23, 2005; Page B01

Washington Gas has found about 1,400 active leaks in underground service lines within a 100-square-mile area of Prince George's County, according to a report the utility sent late yesterday to the Maryland Public Service Commission.

The leaks are not considered hazardous because the vapor remains underground and has not migrated into homes or buildings, Washington Gas spokesman Tim Sargeant said after releasing the 33-page report. The company plans to repair all leaks within six months, the report said.

Washington Gas has been under scrutiny since a District Heights house exploded in March after its residents complained of a gas odor. Since then, company officials have acknowledged that they had noticed an increase in the number of leaks in the county a year and a half ago.

Good luck selling your houses over the next six months, folks! Note that the leaks are not considered hazardous because they're confined to underground--slowly accumulating and building up in concentration. (rubs chin) Hmmm, what else do we know of that operates on the same principal?

Tune out, turn off, drop in.

2005-04-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

I must confess that I haven't done a very good job of observing TV Turnoff Week, but what can I say? I has to have my Daily Show fix. However if you have given up television for lent--or are just too frightened by images of the scary new pope to turn it on--and if you happen to live in the Philadelphia area, why not stop by The Jaunt and partake in some of their festivities? An old cellmate of mine is participating, and you can gaze in wonderment at the fact that my tiny hometown turned out such a high percentage of weirdos.

Quote o' the day

2005-04-25T16:42:00.000-05:00

"Call me paranoid, but given all the manipulative tricks the Republicans have gotten up to recently, I am prepared to believe that this has less to do with Homeland security and more to do with keeping the American public ignorant and free of foreign influence and inspiration. An ill-informed, isolated, ignorant populace is a populace easily manipulated. Fed a diet of reality shows coupled with faith-based reasoning (an oxymoron if ever there was one) and you have a perfect recipe for a country in which the government that can do more or less whatever it wants. Democracy becomes a farce without access to information."

--David Byrne, on the denial of visas to foreign artists.

Overheard

2005-04-23T21:52:00.000-05:00

We're in Bed, Bath & Beyond today (DON'T say anything!). I'm looking at their wall clocks because in my advancing years I've discovered that the pale blue LEDs of the VCR don't quite cut it anymore. Along come two college-age girls. I don't really pay much attention to what they're saying until I hear, "I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for a clock." The utterance slithered into my ear, surrounded by brain, and began choking the life out of it.

At
what
POINT
in anyone's life are they not "ready" for a clock? Time is one of the basic elements of our universe. Buying a clock isn't one of those major, life-altering decisions, folks. It's a double-A battery, a flake of quartz, some cheap plastic gears, and two sticks of differing lengths encased in a flimsy plastic housing. You're ready for that. Maybe not a Rolex. Maybe not a GOOD clock that's accurate and won't have to be reset every week. Maybe not anything made primarily of non-synthetic materials. But you're ready for the crap they sell at B,B & B.

Happy Earth Day

2005-04-22T10:53:00.000-05:00

Do something nice for your world.

Cartoon peril

2005-04-21T07:32:00.000-05:00

I believe it's testimony to how far our culture has sunk that the man-eating monster in my nightmares looks so poorly computer-generated that it completely fails to be scary.

Quote of the day

2005-04-14T12:43:00.000-05:00

"The reason the judiciary has been able to impose a separation of church and state that's nowhere in the Constitution is that Congress didn't stop them. The reason we had judicial review is because Congress didn't stop them. The reason we had a right to privacy is because Congress didn't stop them."

--Rep Tom DeLay, giving us a glimpse into his theocratic, judicial-free, omniscient utopia, in an interview with the Washington Times.

I am officially a gearhead

2005-04-10T20:49:00.000-05:00

Cold-air intake installed
Originally uploaded by olivander.

My very first DIY performance upgrade! I swapped out the stock air intake with a cold-air intake. A CAI allows more air into the engine at cooler temperature, which increases engine efficiency and power. I regret going cheap, because the kit fit poorly and the instructions were abysmal. I ended up finding an online how-to. Though it was for a different brand, it was similar enough for me to figure out what went where.

First blossoms

2005-04-09T09:35:00.000-05:00

We have magnolias!

The last top 10 list ever (we really mean it this time)

2005-04-08T13:11:00.000-05:00

Pope John Paul II was buried today amid spectacular popular turnout. The funeral brings to a close the long reign of a famously conservative man who assumed the papacy during Jimmy Carter's presidency. Some called his views old-fashioned and said they alienated younger Catholics. We couldn't help but wonder if the College of Cardinals will take that into consideration when they convene to select a new pope. With a heavy dose of speculation, we give you:

Top ten signs the new pope is attuned to the youth culture

10. His blog is popular, but is made up mostly of links to BoingBoing, Wonkette, and Daily Kos posts.
09. Sends a "shout out" to his "homeboy in Heaven" during Sunday mass.
08. After his death, is nominated for sainthood on the basis of the miracle of his impeccable eBay feedback rating.
07. 24" spinners on the popemobile.
06. Ornate papal vestments now referred to as "bling".
05. Can be seen at his apartment window jamming to an iPod.
04. Basilica Square turned into skateboard park.
03. Christens himself Pope Sean Paul I.
02. Runs Popester file sharing service from his Vatican bedroom computer.
01. Shows up on Paris Hilton's Sidekick.

Rock show

2005-04-08T11:45:00.000-05:00

I uploaded to Flickr some of my nicer zen rocks, or suiseki. Suiseki (literally "water rocks") are also known as scholar stones or viewing stones. Rather than sculpting the stone, its natural beauty is displayed and highlighted. Nature is, after all, the ultimate artist. Ideally, the stone should resemble a larger part of nature in miniature. That's why suiseki are often associated with bonsai. Traditionally, suiseki sit upon painstakingly carved wooden stands called diaza. I have neither the patience nor the competence to create nice stands for my rocks. For that reason, and the relatively poor viewing quality of the stones, I refer to my rocks as suiseki lite.

If you'd like to see what good suiseki stones look like, here are some real suiseki sites.

Why you should pay attention in school

2005-04-07T11:38:00.000-05:00

Oh, my freakin' gawd. This guy got arrested when he tried to pay for something at Best Buy with $2 bills. Those people at Best Buy displayed the same level of education you normally only see behind the counter at Taco Hell or Burger Thing.

My favorite line is, "It's a sign that we're all a little nervous in the post-9/11 world."* Right. Because anyone using uncommon legal tender must be suspicious. Everyone knows that good, patriotic Americans only use $20 bills straight from the ATM. I think I'm gonna get some Sacajawea dollar coins and try to spend them at Taco Hell...

*as long as everyone else is going it, I might as well begin citing 9/11 as a rationalization for everything. "Oliver, why isn't the new file server ready yet?" "You know, you can't be too hasty in a post-9/11 world."

Today's top story:

2005-04-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

Pope John Paul II is still dead.

More photos of buildings and food

2005-04-04T12:39:00.000-05:00

I love this site. Actually, I love pretty much any place where one can see photos of a particular locality taken from the viewpoints of a variety of its residents. You get to see what the area is really like, beyond the limited range of the calendar photos, through the eyes of people who might never cross one another's paths. The city dweller takes pictures of the hidden infrastructure of his city, while the mid-state barnstormer takes pictures of farmland from the air, while the guy on the shore takes pictures of oceanbound Lakes freighters loading their wares. That variety of perspective and community deep-digging is one of the reasons I like Flickr so much.

Of particular interest is today's offering: a series of photos from the relatively affluent Kenwood neighborhood of Minneapolis. Most of these homes were built during an era where architectural individuality was part of showing off one's wealth. Minneapolis/St Paul is one of those rare areas where wealth and culture combined for a brief time at the turn of the last century, and the results of that mix have not faded.

BTW, one of F. Scott Fitzgerald's many St Paul residences is on the market. Can be yours for a mere $656,000.

Meanwhile, here's what happens to soda when it gets left in the garage all winter:

Lead in the air

2005-04-04T10:33:00.000-05:00

Special correspondent Jean writes:

It's springtime in DC...

A manhole cover flew into the air and struck a truck yesterday morning after an underground explosion at a busy Northwest Washington intersection, authorities said.

Two other covers came loose from their seats in the pavement after the 7:30 a.m. explosion that sent smoke billowing from at least four other manholes near 14th and Q streets, according to Alan Etter, a D.C. fire department spokesman. No injuries were reported.

Washington, DC, is the flying manhole cover capital of the world. Since 2001, portions of the sewer system have been collapsing, fires have broken out throughout the system, and manhole covers have been flying like frisbees. It's been a comedy of errors as city utility departments all place the blame on one another: electrical works blames street works for nicking their wiring, while streets blames electrical for not mapping their cables. Meanwhile, everyone is blaming the sewer dept for its crumbling infrastructure.

All I know is, I want to see this happen during an inaugural parade.

On a related note, here's what happened when a Chicago manhole cover blew off in 1937.

Catch a falling star

2005-04-01T13:16:00.003-06:00

NASA has taken a "de-orbit only" position on the future of the Hubble telescope. Bastards. On the plus side, if you're really good at re-entry calculations, and have a lot of mattresses to spread around your backyard, maybe you can snag yourself a mighty fine accessory for your nightly window-peeping.

Nuage: Mitch Hedberg, 1968-2005

2005-04-01T11:06:00.000-06:00

I was distraught to pick up the newspaper from the driveway this morning and see an obituary for one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg. Heart attack. He was only 37. You may not know the name, but you've seen him at one time or another. He had a spaced-out delivery, like Stephen Wright on acapulco gold. He was so shy that he almost couldn't face the audience. In his early years, he'd stare straight down at his feet while delivering his bit, his long hair dangling in his face as though to further hide from the crowd. You just wanted to run up onstage and give him a hug. In later years, he was able to finally look up and out among the seats, but he still wore darkly-tinted glasses, as though if he couldn't see the audience well they couldn't see too deeply into him.

He hailed from St Paul, MN, as was well known and loved on the local comedy circuit. He has a new album out, "All Together Now". I'll pick it up and put it alongside his previous album, "Strategic Grill Locations". Comedians don't make a lot of money doing the tour thing, and Mitch leaves behind a family way too soon. I'm sure they can use all the financial help they can get. Buy one of his CDs--even if you don't always get the jokes--and remember that for every Bill Cosby and Rodney Dangerfield and George Carlin, there's a Sam Kinison, a Lenny Bruce, a Chris Farley, and a Mitch Hedberg: guys who never made it beyond the initial promising arc of their career and left us with one less reason to laugh.

Last year, the St Paul Pioneer Press ran an interview with him (alas, unarchived) in which he discussed his troubles with drug abuse and how he'd finally kicked the nastier habits and was putting his life back together. Isn't that a familiar story? Troubled entertainer straightens out only to die unexpectedly. I guess the moral of this story is, don't clean up your act or you're gonna die. Pass the acapulco gold.

On the air with Vatican Vinnie

2005-04-01T10:24:00.000-06:00

As Pope John Paul II passes through what may well be the final hours of his long papacy, Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls has become a familiar face on TV. His determination to put the best spin on an obviously terrible situation has me calling him Rome's version of Baghdad Bob: Vatican Vinnie.

Several weeks ago, when the pope was unable to breath properly and had to have an emergency tracheotomy, Vatican Vinnie talked as though it was no big deal. In fact, it probably didn't even need to be done--they inserted a breathing tube almost for the hell of it. As if the pope were Michael Jackson in a Rococco Crap store: "I'll take one of those, and one of those, and two of those..."

Yesterday, John Paul was given last rites, which actually had the effect of tearing the media away from poor Terri Schiavo's death bed and putting them in full Pope Death Watch mode. That is a big deal. You know last rights: the Catholic ritual for the dying. "Oh, no, no, no," Vatican Vinnie tells us. "Last rites aren't just for the dying anymore. They give them all the time now. It's really little more than a blessing for the sick." (I'm paraphrasing there.) He practically waved his hand and went, "Last rites...feh."

Um, Vinnie... The last time the pope got last rites was when he took two bullets and the Vatican officials were trying to remember which firewood pile was for the black smoke and which was for the white. Terri Schiavo was off her feeding tube for a week before she got last rites. Cop Rock didn't even get last rites.

This morning, with news that the pope was running a high fever, was in septic shock, and had suffered cardiocirculatory collapse, Vinne tells us that John Paul is "lucid, fully conscious." Most doctors will tell you that if your blood pressure is so low that your veins collapse, then the blood flow to your organs--including your brain--is very low and there is no way you are lucid.

If it weren't for the fact that a person were clinging to life somewhere in the massive complex behind him, Vatican Vinnie's optimistic-to-the-point-of-delusional pronouncements would be almost funny.